Disclaimer: Gilmore Girls belongs to the WB, Amy Sherman-Palladino, and some other people, none of whom are me.

Summary: Lorelai has a weird morning after indulging in too much candy.

Archive: Improv archive okay, GGFA okay, others please ask. Do not archive this story without my permission.

Written for the Gilmore Girls Improv: #10: Forbidden -- Hourglass -- Plush -- Arouse -- Vicious

Spoilers: None

Rating: PG

The Morning After Movie Night
by eponine119
September 19, 2002

Luke watched Lorelai approach the counter, one eyebrow a little higher than the other, almost curiously. Lorelai was unsteady on her feet, her eyes were dull, and her skin -- usually rosy -- seemed gray. "You okay?" Luke asked when she reached him.

"Uuuuuggggh," Lorelai grunted in reply, leaning heavily against the counter. Her eyes focused on the coffeepot Luke held in his hand and her countenance brightened slightly.

Luke stepped back automatically, withdrawing the pot from her. Now he understood. This was just another ploy. "I'll give you the coffee," he told her. "You don't have to make a big deal about it every single day."

"Who's the one making a big deal?" Lorelai asked, nodding at him, but her witty repartee wasn't so sharp today. She sank down on one of the stools. "It's okay, I don't want any."

"Nice try," Luke said, pouring the usually forbidden beverage into a large cup for her. Lorelai made a face as though he'd just given her brussels sprouts and pushed the cup away. "You really aren't well."

"I ate too much."

"I didn't think that was possible." Luke's eyes skimmed over her hourglass figure, outlined by the satin blouse and slim skirt she was wearing, dressed for work at the inn. He'd never been able to figure it out. The Gilmore genes seemed to defy all laws of nutrition and caloric intake.

"On Willy Wonka movie night? It's possible. It's even probable. I feel disgusting. And I should know better. Isn't that the point of the movie? Not to eat so damn much candy? Where were the freakin' Oompa-Loompas when I needed them?"

"Oompa-Loompas are creepy," Luke said.

Lorelai's back straightened and her eyes widened as she stared at him as though he'd said something astoundingly wrong. She looked like a cat whose fur had been stroked the wrong way and was about to turn vicious. "They are not creepy," she informed him. "They're round and cuddly and they deliver valuable life lessons." She looked at him. "You're kind of like an Oompla-Loompa."

"Thanks a lot," Luke said sarcastically. He glanced at the patrons of the diner, making the kind of mental notes that had become automatic after so many years of this kind of work. The table in the corner needed menus; the one by the window needed a check; the one by the door needed some refills. There was just always something that needed to be done, and as usual it fell to him to do it.

"No, I mean it." Lorelai slumped back down again, cocking her head and resting her cheek against her hand, still keeping an eye on Luke. "Oompa-Loompas are grumpy. You're grumpy. They give advice. You give advice. They..."

"This is fascinating, really, but...excuse me." Luke dashed out from behind the counter and crossed the diner in two seconds flat. "Drop it," he ordered, reaching the door before Kirk did and barring him from exiting.

"What're you talking about?" Kirk demanded, with his usual failing attempt at arrogance.

"I saw you put an entire place setting up the sleeves of your jacket. Let me have them," Luke ordered.

"You're crazy." Kirk looked around for assistance. "Help! Crazy man!"

"Check his back pockets! I saw him put some sugar packets in there for later!" Lorelai cried. It was as much assistance as she could give Luke without moving. Because if she moved, she was pretty sure she was going to be sick. It felt like all the candy and crap she'd eaten was still sitting in her stomach in one plush gluey mass of corn syrup and artificial flavorings. Topping off chocolate and Red Vines with Cheetos had not been a wise choice.

"Kirk," Luke said threateningly.

"Fine!" Kirk said, realizing he was trapped. He threw the silverware on the floor and when Luke stooped to retrieve it, he escaped through the door and ran, in a zigzag pattern, across the town square.

Luke stepped back behind the counter and put the dirty silverware into the bin for the dishwasher. "Where were we?" he asked Lorelai.

"Glllurrrrr," Lorelai groaned.

"How could I forget," Luke said. "Here. Drink this." A bit of rummaging behind the counter and he set a glass of water in front of her, stirring it.

Lorelai watched chalky bits swim and swirl through what had once been pure, clear water. "That looks nasty." "It'll make you feel better. I promise."

Lorelai looked at him as though his intent had been to arouse her suspicions. "Okay, but if it doesn't, I want my money back."

"Full refund, I swear," Luke said, nudging the glass closer to her. He watched her pick it up, look at it, screw up her face with resolve as though she was three years old instead of thirty-three, and finally swallow the entire glass in several large gulps.

Then she stuck out her tongue and made gagging noises. "You poisoned me," she accused, grabbing a handful of napkins from the dispenser on the counter and trying to wipe the residue off her tongue. "That was even more disgusting than it looked." She got up from her stool. Luke noticed she was moving much more energetically now than she had been before, as she headed for the stairs that led up to his apartment.

"Where are you going?" Luke demanded.

"I need to brush my teeth. Or at least use some Scope, or something." Lorelai disappeared up the stairs.

The bell over the door chimed and Rory stepped into the diner, dressed for school. She was dragging a little, but much less than Lorelai had been. She looked around, then approached Luke with a puzzled expression on her face. "Have you seen my mom?" "She's upstairs," he told her, pouring her some coffee.

"Candy decided to make a return appearance?" Rory inquired sympathetically.

"Not quite," Luke replied. "How are you doing?"

"I'll be okay," Rory said. "I didn't eat nearly as much as she did."

"I don't want to ask how much, do I?" Luke asked. Rory looked at him with her blue eyes wide and innocent and shook her head. She was smiling. So was Luke as he said, "I didn't think so." He picked up a rag and began wiping down the counter as Rory drank her coffee and picked at the bran muffin he'd set next to it. He looked anxiously at the stairs.

"Taking her a long time," Rory said, picking up on his thoughts.

"Yeah," Luke agreed. He looked up the stairs again, wondering if he should go after her.

"She'll be okay," Rory assured him. "She probably decided to put on lip gloss and then got distracted checking out your medicine cabinet." She paused to consider. "I'm not helping, am I?"

Luke shook his head, but he was smiling. "She's quite a lady, your mom."

"She'd be horrified to be referred to as a lady," Rory pointed out.

"She called me an Oompa-Loompa," Luke said. Rory looked surprised. "Yeah, she uh, it was before she pulled out of her sugar coma, she wasn't making a lot of sense," Luke elaborated. "Something about being grumpy and advice and...there she is." He looked at Lorelai expectantly.

"I feel so much better," Lorelai declared.

"Told you," Luke said.

"I haven't thrown up like that since I was sixteen and pregnant," Lorelai added.

"Mom, gross," Rory pointed out.

"Please tell me you didn't use my toothbrush," Luke begged.

Lorelai leaned over the counter and patted his hand. "Whatever that was that you made me drink, you should patent it and sell it to supermodels and movie stars and people in Lifetime movies," she said. She leaned in close enough for him to tell her breath was minty-fresh. Maybe she'd just used the mouthwash. But he couldn't count on it, so he made a note to buy a new toothbrush, pronto. "Ready to go?" she asked Rory.

"It was just Alka Seltzer!" Luke called defensively after them as the two women sauntered out of his diner. The bell on the door rang as it slammed closed behind them, mocking him.

Rory looked at her mother. "We need to talk."

"Really?" Lorelai asked, then saw the serious look on Rory's face. "What is it?"

"Luke told me what you said. About the Oompa-Loompa."

Lorelai broke into a smile. "Come on, Luke is _so_ an Oompa-Loompa!"

"Mother," Rory said warningly.

"'Oompa Loompa, doo-pe-de-dee, you won't live long if you drink coffee,'" Lorelai sang, making up a Luke version of an Oompa-Loompa song.

"You like Oompa-Loompas," Rory reminded her.

"So? I also like Barry Manilow."

"You've never had a dream about marrying Barry Manilow."

"You don't know that," Lorelai said.

"You've never had a dream about marrying Barry Manilow and then compared Luke to Barry Manilow," Rory cried.

"Babe, calm down. This isn't geometry. A plus B doesn't prove C," Lorelai insisted.

"What?" Rory asked. She wasn't making any sense.

"I don't know, it made sense when I was thinking it," Lorelai said. "You're making too big a deal out of this. I ate way too much candy and watched a movie about way too much candy. Clearly I'm not thinking straight this morning. I have no idea half the things I said. We'll probably get home and find out I ordered a Bedazzler from home shopping, or Babette'll tell us I had a whole conversation about the evils of sugar with her lawn gnome."

"Mom," Rory said warningly.

Lorelai shrugged. "It was an observation. I make a lot of observations. I observe things. All the time. Look at that bird's nest!"

"Nice try," Rory said.

"What do you want me to say?" Lorelai asked her seriously. "Would you be freaking out more or less if I'd compared Luke to Mel Gibson?"

"I don't even want to think about that," Rory said.

"See? There are worse things," Lorelai pointed out, knowing Rory was remembering the embarrassing moment during dinner the previous Friday when Lorelai had found herself telling Emily that she'd love to grab a handful of Mel Gibson's butt. Lorelai couldn't even remember now how the topic had come up, but boy, she had a good memory for the reaction it had gotten. Not good. Lorelai put her arm around Rory's shoulders. "Anyway. I think it's time we find a new favorite movie. One that doesn't involve quite so much...gluttony."

"You did this to yourself," Rory told her. "Are there any good movies about soup?" Lorelai inquired.

"I warned you," Rory pointed out.

"I am never eating another Cheeto or 'fun size' candy bar as long as I live," Lorelai swore.

"Good," Rory said. She was smiling. So was Lorelai. "That's my bus."

"Have a good day at school," Lorelai said.

"You too," Rory said. She hugged her mom quickly, then ran to get on the bus before it left.

Lorelai watched her go, backpack bouncing. Rory looked back and Lorelai waved, then started up the street toward the inn. Some days she didn't know what it all meant. But it was fun.

the end.